bleh

no blogs for a while...and since this is where i vent you better buckle in.  the last few weeks have been hard, i mean HARD, like have i really in all of my 34 years of existence really lived looking through rose colored glasses as they say?  ergh...

my kids have been sick, my husband was sick, i've been home a lot and i've been hormonal. i've cried, i even made my very patient and loving husband so mad that he threw down his phone and broke it!  i need my haircut, i need my eyebrows waxed and i haven't worn my contacts in weeks because i ran out and haven't made the time to go to the eye doctor.  my clothes are missing buttons and my pants are frayed at the bottom.  i have zero energy because my baby is teething and up a lot at night and today she bit me and broke skin so i need to ween her, but i'm too tired to think about starting that!  i was supposed to fly to LA today but was so anxious thinking about all the travel alone, i'm postponing it.  brian has been working so much and hasn't taken a day off since August...i'm preparing myself for the next few weeks because he'll be working away from home and the days get long and the nights even longer.  i'm so sad when he is gone, but we gotta pay the bills and we live on one income, his and he is a provider, gotta do what hes gotta do.  he never complains, he works hard and i love that about him.

today i almost lost it at the grocery store and i know i'm just running on the supernatural strength that God has given me as a mom of young kids.  really...there is no explanation, but His grace alone, and for that I am very thankful.

these days are passing me by and i keep reminding myself to take deep breaths and hug my kids because i am going to blink and they'll be grown.  i want to remember that.

i really miss living near my parents, i really miss my family and friends, but am so grateful for our home and my stay at home mom life, even in the midst of all the chaos, that I couldn't imagine living elsewhere.  i am becoming stronger, i am being stretched in ways i never thought possible...this is life, life is hard, but it shouldn't be any other way.